the day before…

The day before should be full of joy, full of excitement, full of questions: “mama, when am I getting my birthday presents?” “mama, when are my friends coming?” “mama, can I put some pink nail-lacker tomorrow?”

None of these questions came today, one day before alfie´s 4th birthday party: no joy, no excitement, no questions…

Instead a heavy silence in the house, me wearing my dark face of the strange days, and a papa around trying to put away all the anxiety of his stupid wife who is stupidly stressed and stupidly thinking negative when things like that happen.

When Alfie does not sleep, she lies quiet on the coach with half a smile, just looking around…Poor little one, she had fever 39,5 of fever this morning. So, it is a quite  desperate mama writing here tonight, surrounded by the happy pinky balloons decorating the ceiling, the beautiful purple table that was specially made for the occasion at the height of the little guests, the special cosy tent that all were going to hide and play in…I am so sad.. But children are much more logic and understanding of the situation sometimes, so when she woke up this afternoon, she said herself that since she was sick we had to call the papas and the mamas of Maya, Iseline, Mathilde, Alice, Michele, Frida, Maxime, Noah, Fredrik, and Aaron that there will be no party tomorrow….

13th february 4 years ago, I started feeling what a contraction means. 13th february 4 years after, I know how much more pain motherhood can bring…


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