No… nothing really happened….unless I really trust my feelings, intuition, and wandering energies, yes, something happened.
Yesterday was a full day. went out of the house at 8.00 came back at 9.00 in the evening. Many meetings, many meetings, many smiles, many notes. Nice moments. It was a summer feeling day. I was driving the new car (and it feels kind of great to be a little higher above them all, it feels “rich-bitch”….). Anyhow, all was well. I even went to the theatre to see my boss Håkon Sæther playing a cabaret-stand-up comedy. very funny! I went with a lot of prejudiced thoughts and all were squashed. it was a simple, and lovely effort – where people were enjoying themselves, and where energy was at full, not pretentious, I had a nice time. I came back said good night to my little Alfie who was waiting to say natty-natty to me, and then I started freaking out.
how is this possible?
I started feeling my left arm aching. the whole arm. and I started thinking, this is the heart. That´s it I am having a heart-attack. an inner voice was calming me down. I went to bed to relax, my heart was beating fast. It did not help. I went into the kitchen and took two paracetamol (for what? don’t ask me!) and then again in bed. My love was watching football and I did not want to alert him yet. After 20 minutes feeling that s it now my arm is numbed, now my leg starts to ache, now I am breathing strangely, now it is coming…what I am going to do? are we going to the hospital? in pajamas? are we waking up Alfie? she is sleeping..I will sit in the back of the car with her in my arms, and if I pass away while Baard drives, she will fall, will she understand? …
this was my delirium. my heavy nutcase moment yesterday.
Baard helped me relax. gave a massage. helped me understand that nothing was really happening. That I was probably emotionally disturbed (god knows why!) and that I needed to escape those thoughts and calm down.
I freaked out yesterday. It is good to be here today.