feelings · me · now · times

off I go….

Something was becoming really urgent. Something was growing and shouting and telling me that enough is enough. So yesterday, because the emergency was more than pushing, I cancelled my facebook account. Some will say this is not an accomplishment, this is nothing. It might be nothing but it feels like a lot. In the society we live on and connect with, we are literally depending on information on exchange on connectivity. But this has a price. And for people like me (the sensitive, the caring, the emotional and the unsecure as well) I would say that it can be a very disturbing element to play with. My first move was some months ago when I “eliminated” (what a word! even this is terrifying for me) more than 450 (so-called) friends. People I had not met, ever, people I had met once, people I didnt want to be connected with, people who were arrogant, annoying, disturbing. Every kind of people. So that was done. From 900, I went down to substantial 450. But this was not enough.

The story goes long before that even. But mainly, I have been really disturbed just before the summer by the postings/comments of people in my community. And though I know I should not have cared so much, that I dont belong in that group of people, that I should not be offended, this event affected me grandly, and it had consequences. I guess that was one of the last drops that filled the glass… I understand that certain people use facebook in a totally other way than I am using it. Different people have different aims with it. But some, use it as a “kleenex”, to wipe themselves with. Thats the thing. They are constantly posting. They do not choose their words. They do not choose what events they should share or not. They do not measure the density of the words, the arrow they throw…. Of course, some are 20-30 years younger than me and they are used to it. Facebook is a common (innocent) tool. For me, of course, on the contrary, I must admit, I am always overanalysing, I dont dare too much, I don´t want to have blunt opinions, I dont want to offend ..I dont arrest a thought and put it there, cause wtf next day I might change my mind!! I am learning and nothing is engraved in the stone. Facebook is a plenary agora where everybody shouts out, everybody can hear, can see, and specially can judge. Some people care. Some people dont.

They write so much sometimes it feels like they are “vomiting” (sorry, this is the only image that comes through my mind).

But anyhow, what I am looking for in facebook (what are my expectation exactly?) and how does facebook operate in my system? is it more positive? more negative? It have worked hard on me these days. With the consequences of yesterday: shutting down my account. Bip, bip, Bip…are you sure? Is there something we could help you with? maybe your notifications can be changed so you are not so connected but still…bip bip YES.

Did it.

I am kind of liberated. I am not sure how this is going to work out. I will not be in connection with many of my friends, that I dont see so much – living in the end of the world. :) but lets say, that I can work on new ways of communicating with them more efficient than shouting out loud in this frenetic noise.

 

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