that was it.

Yes, one more event created, managed and finished.

It was not the first festival I was organising, but it was for sure the craziest.

From the very beginning, I felt overwhelmed. What an immense task to achieve! Alone? oh Yes! No helping hand until very late in the process. I had to be brave. Get myself to do things, do not think too much (or better thing it over and over…!!). Patricia, you are a doer! But how would I do to put up the selection and choose the artists, how much to pay them, how to organise their coming, which venues to place their performances and installations, how to put up a legal contract that would fit for all, how would I deal with the technical stuff, where would I place 4 site specific installations in town – outdoor, indoor, find the right spots, change the venues, imagine the opening, the closing, the party, inviting people, VIPs, guests, who? do you know someone who is more important than someone else for the academy, “ingen svar!”  writing to them, yes he/she is coming, booking their flights, keeping the contact with them, cancel them, make lists, another list, a list for vip, a list for guests, who should I invite more “ingen svar!” a list for locals, cooking the perfect balanced budget, correct it everyday, add things, take out some other, finding the proper provider for this and that, yes, no, too expensive, too far away, not convenient; choosing a design for the programme, the logo, writing texts, introductions, sending/receiving emails, extending my capacity of email reception, checking the texts, correcting them, deciding on the material: what/how many/every detail….the flyer, the hotels, the restaurant, the press….just a taste of it. I tell you….an immense task.

I probably did not realise this until it was too late to back off, I had plunged in the big bath and it was bubbling !

Very much. Very much.

I must admit I am amazed with myself. In total control and at the same time, almost irresponsible to say yes and undergo and take responsibility for such a huge thing.

Even as I am getting older (I do realise and understand more things for sure), I think deep in me, sleeps a very young wolf, crazy enough to say yes to do this and do everything, or maybe not trained enough to say NO?

And of course, again and again the same old fucking problem with me: I care too much, all the time for everything!! I am not super able to relax, not super able to let go, not super able to let it happen alone without minding at all. And now after this wave and all these hours of work, I just need to relax and collect all the positive and negative effects of this yet new experience for me. I need to put everything into perspective. Do I like to do this? what do I like about it – what do I hate about it?

Until next time.

Yes! I did it.


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