all · family · feelings · life · now

my little life is all I know

I can´t breath. I am not feeling well. I am overwhelmed. I can´t speak a word. No feelings, or better say, too many feelings leaking out of my heart, my head, my belly. Why can´t I cry it out loud? Why do I feel so invaded? I am not feeling well. This is too difficult for me. And I have no fuel no more. No energy no more. I am running flat.

I have slept many hours these days so as to escape this. I need to recuperate.

I live a life which is very simple. A kind of peaceful life as it can be called. I have my little family composed of Baard and Alfie and it cannot contain more I am afraid. We don´t do extreme things. We don´t do extreme shouting. We don´t like that. We try to show each other love. Every day. We show it in many ways. Always in simple things: just a good meal, just a hug, all together on Alfie´s bed telling each other stories, sitting right next to each other in the sofa and looking at our favorite programmes on TV. Being together is very important to us. Being together in harmony is even more important. Doing something for each other. Caring. We care. We think it is important. We show each other respect. That what is our life made of. So when we realise that this is not the case for others, when we experience how life is with others, when we witness intensity, shouting, disrespect, we become sick. I become sick. If something weird or unexpected happens, it does leave us very sad, and very concerned. It is always very painful for us. And we need time to get over it. We are trying to discuss it over and over. Explain. Try. Find reasons. Find out why we are so weak and why this affects us so much.

And when life comes back to normal, we smile again, we are a little wounded, but we pretend we are not.

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