Am I arrogant or am I shy?

Arrogance is a cover-up, a defence mechanism, based on the desire to appear knowledgeable or in some cases superior to the other person. It is based in insecurity and a fear of being seen as stupid, ignorant, foolish or what have you. Often this person has been cruelly judged and put down earlier in their life. Arrogance is often seen in shy people. It is almost the extention of the shy.

I guess I can say that I have both in my life. I have been arrogant at some times without me noticing or experiencing this as such (it is never us who see that).. I have been shy as well – very much when I was little. I could not think of approaching people I did not know and ask them for anything. I remember my mom giving me some few coins to go and buy bread and I would come back with the coins and no bread. I did not dare ask the baker even….

As for arrogance I think it is later on, almost to repair the moments when I was shy? I would not be able to talk to people and would pretend not to see them, not to be interested even (which was not the case). So depending on the period of my life I would be seen as very cold or very arrogant. or both. Which I can really say that I am not. I am interested in people and I love to talk to them and I think it is always worth sharing some words with them. But often the first step is complicated.

Confidence in the contrary and I can say I have been that (and I am that most of the time) comes from knowledge, experience, and a desire to be of service. I have been really confident in very different environments and have been able to “swim” through quite some different situations, countries, cultures… I have for example worked in the European Commission so at times, I have been in meetings with the commissioners, politicians from different countries, “high ranked” or “elite” people. I was at ease. After that period in Brussels in the Commission,I have also been working with theatre many years and I have met and talked and sat at at the same table of immense artists like Pina Bausch, or other french actors like Michel Piccoli …) and so, I have been trained to be more confident as well.

But we are never the same in this life. Are we? We get through different periods, experiences, and moments. Life brings things and events we do not expect. I must admit that now, I am returning to some shyness or arrogance. I am not sure where I stand. I am forthcoming but also protecting myself from the injuries that I might get from people´s behaviour. I am more and more sensitive for sure. And this is not helping neither confidence nor arrogance for sure !

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