life

L’ansaignement

« Je ne me suis jamais demandé à vrai dire d’où vient le tabou du sang menstruel. Ce n’est pas une discussion que nous avons entre garçons. Le sang participe certainement de ce que cette femme désigne comme « part manquante », part qui manque à chacun et à chacune, part qui manque à notre humanité tout entière. Ce n’est pas la femme qui manque puisque la femme est là, qu’elle attend depuis si longtemps qu’on la remarque, qu’on ne fasse pas de son don d’enfanter une infirmité, une excuse pour la priver de ses droits à l’expression de son être singulier. Ce n’est pas elle qui manque, non, mais quelque chose qui a été écarté et dont le sang est comme la trace, cette résonnance au plus intime de la matrice d’une musique céleste, intemporelle que nos sociétés, en s’éloignant de l’origine, ont choisi de ne plus entendre. Lorsqu’elles ont choisi à nouveau de l’entendre, il était trop tard. »

« Je dis que ce qu’ils méprisent dans ce sexe, c’est qu’il soit à la fois ce sexe qu’on baise et ce sexe qui saigne, qui enfante, tout ce que le sang raconte, chaque mois. Comme si dans le huis clos de toute étreinte où l’homme croit disposer librement du corps de la femme, le sang lui rappelait soudain qu’elle n’avait jamais cessé de lui échapper. Le sang serait pour lui le symbole haï de ce que, dans la femme, il ne peut pas atteindre, quelle que soit la violence déployée pour l’atteindre ; le symbole d’un lien qui, en dépit de tout ce qui a été fait pour le trancher, perdure avec l’origine, précisément. Nos sociétés étalent le sang partout sur nos écrans, c’est même souvent la garantie d’un audimat, quand le sang des femmes, lui, est tabou, lui et tout ce qu’il raconte. C’est étonnant, non ? »
Jean-Philippe de Tonnac, L’Ensaignement, Guy Trédaniel – Romans, octobre 2021

life

Shedding Patterns of Victimhood

I went to a trauma workshop and I learnt about many things including shedding an internalized identification with victimhood patterns. To the extent that we are not owning our full power we are possibly unconsciously trying to control and manipulate other people. Pulling them into enmeshed dynamics. From this place we think people owe us. It is not totally our fault- we all have our responsibility- we are also vulnerable to be pulled in to save, rescue, take care, or control others because of our own fear and patterns. When one person or group stops, the whole dynamic can change. Owning our power is a somatic embodied thing. We can think it all we want but we need to anchor it in the body, in action.

It has risks for ourselves and for others and the whole system when anyone is stuck in the victim position on individual and collective levels. However the problem is that when we get blamed or targeted for it, it reinstates it even stronger. We need to feel safe and it helps to be challenged by loving allies who out of love and care give us such a reflection and don’t let us continue in the same way. This is a wonderful way for us to reclaim the power that is fully ours. If someone doesn’t own their power we are all affected. We are one system. It is the only way for everyone to have their power.
To resuscitate our autonomous sense of being.
We take full pristine responsibility for ourselves. While there is a victim then no one has their full power.

When we create more awareness as to the state of our nervous systems, notice our triggers and our dissociative responses, and create somatic resource to increase our window of tolerance, we start to have more autonomy over our instincts and can be responsive rather than fully reactive with no choice in the matter. As we do this all story dissolves. it’s a moment to moment thing. It’s not bypassing the body because “it’s just story”, we are fully in the body. We start unfurling and defrosting.
We feel our power in ourselves fully, and also in connection. We make the boundaries we need to keep feeling ourselves. We take somatic care of ourselves. We see there is nothing wrong with us or with anyone else.

All of society is built on the atomic structure of attachment. Our capacity to be with ourselves and to be with each other at the same time.
Most of us have sacrificed our real autonomy and our sense of real connection.


It comes up in intimate relationships but it’s underneath all societal structures and all the domains where humans interact with each other. We can create social change on a large scale by deep listening to ourselves and by attending to the way we regulate our nervous systems.

all

«Enter in one another»

The idea that one can soak up someone else’s depression or anxiety or sense the tension in a room is familiar. Indeed, phrases that capture this notion abound in the popular vernacular: “negative energy,” “dumping,” “you could cut the tension with a knife.”

The Transmission of Affect deals with the belief that the emotions and energies of one person or group can be absorbed by or can enter directly into another. The ability to borrow or share states of mind, once historically and culturally assumed, is now pathologized, as Teresa Brennan shows in relation to affective transfer in psychiatric clinics and the prevalence of psychogenic illness in contemporary life.

To neglect the mechanism by which affect is transmitted, the author claims, has serious consequences for science and medical research.

Brennan’s theory of affect is based on constant communication between individuals and their physical and social environments. Her important book details the relationships among affect, energy, and “new maladies of the soul,” including attention deficit disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, codependency, and fibromyalgia.

TERESA BRENNAN was in the final stages of editing The Transmission of Affect in December 2002. On the night of December 9, she went out on an errand and was crossing the street when she was hit by an automobile. She never regained consciousness and died early in the morning of February 3, 2003. Dr. Brennan had been working on the finishing touches of her favorite chapter and reviewing the copyedited version of the manuscript on the night of the accident. The remaining
review was completed by her long-time assistant and literary
executrix, Woden Teachout, and her trusted researcher, Sandy Hart.
all

Keeping quiet

Now we will count to twelve

and we will all keep still

for once on the face of the earth,

let’s not speak in any language;

let’s stop for a second,

and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment

without rush, without engines;

we would all be together

in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea

would not harm whales

and the man gathering salt

would not look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,

wars with gas, wars with fire,

victories with no survivors,

would put on clean clothes

and walk about with their brothers

in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused

with total inactivity.

Life is what it is about…

If we were not so single-minded

about keeping our lives moving,

and for once could do nothing,

perhaps a huge silence

might interrupt this sadness

of never understanding ourselves

and of threatening ourselves with

death.

Now I’ll count up to twelve

and you keep quiet and I will go.

Pablo Neruda

feelings · life · now

f…..life

The truth is people will try to knock you down. Whether you want it, expect it, like it or not. Good friends- good people – not to talk about your family. Everyone. Anyone. The truth is people forget and if you need help one day, one moment, they will not understand, they will not see, they will not help you.

You are always good. Always up. Always smiling. At least, you think you are.

How do you really see yourself?

I have read somewhere that if you love yourself, if you have a good image of yourself, people will follow and smile. And even love you.

Am I aloud to have ups and downs? When you are down is there anyone who can be by your side? Hold your hand and say everything is going to be fine. What do you need? Can I help?

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When you cant smile, who is going to be there for you?

Life is what you make it of course.

Continue your path and you will discover …why….

 

all · art

as a chameleon in a landscape

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The description of ‘normal’ we have been raised on may be as hard to detect, but it is always there exerting its influence–and its effect can be felt in a sense of frustration or lack in our lives as we try to live a story that is at odds with reality. When we attempt to recover peace in our lives, our efforts more often resemble anxiety management than any kind of real peace. Being estranged from our bodies, we feel victimized by them–and so when they hurt or fall sick, we feel fear or annoyance or betrayal; and when we exert them or look in the mirror, we may feel guilt or vanity or anger about the shape they are in. And though we accept the fact of our essential solitude, we cannot bear the emptiness of our own company. To alleviate it, we surround ourselves with distractions: chat rooms, telephones, computer games, shopping, Web browsing, Twittering, and of course popular entertainment that wears meaning on its sleeve as an assurance to us all. We generally have neither the time nor the attention span for art that draws us into the unnamable ambiguities of life itself. When we try to improve our situation, we look about for answers that will help us connect and feel better about ourselves–yet none of the self-help prescriptions seems to work for very long. Our ability to escape that divided state is hampered by our difficulty in understanding that what holds us back are the very things we accept as the normal givens of the world.

As we relate to the body, so we relate to the world.

Philip Shepherd (excerpted from New Self, New World, Recovering our Senses in the Twenty-first Century)

earth · education · info · life

some references to read if you would like to know more about kindness and compassion

salar de uyuni, bolivia

Studies have demonstrated the many positive effects of Kindness and Compassion

Increased Happiness and Good Feelings – Intentionally cultivating kindness and compassion strengthens circuits in the brain for pleasure and reward and leads to a lasting increases in happiness. Acts of compassion and kindness (like volunteering for charity) cause elevated levels of dopamine in the brain which creates a natural high, often referred to as ‘Helper’s High’. (1)

Strengthened Immune System and a Healthier Heart – the emotional warmth associated with kindness produces the hormone oxytocin in the brain and throughout the body. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which expands the blood vessels and reduces blood pressure. Being kind and compassionate lowers our heart rate, and makes us more resilient to stress by lowering our stress hormones. (2)

Oxytocin reduces levels of free radicals and inflammation in the cardiovascular system and slows ageing. (3)

Better relationships – kindness and compassion foster a strong sense of connection, and can help us be less vulnerable to loneliness which has been shown to cause stress and harm the immune system. When we feel compassion, regions of our brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up. The result is often the feeling wanting to approach and care for other people, and the ability to understand the perspective of another person, which are linked to long term relationship satisfaction, as well as forgiveness. (4)

Kindness is contagious – when we’re kind, we inspire others to be kind. Studies show that it actually creates a ripple effect that spreads outwards to our friends’ friends’ friends – to 3-degrees of separation. (5)

Employees who receive more compassion in their workplace see themselves, their co-workers, and their organization in a more positive light, report feeling more positive emotions like joy and contentment, and are more committed to their jobs. (6)

Loving-kindness meditations increase feelings of social connectedness and positivity towards new people. (7)

——–

(1) (Source: David R. Hamilton, PHD, Functional Neural Plasticity and Associated Changes in Positive Affect After Compassion Training 2013 & Practicing Compassion Increases Happiness and Self-Esteem 2011)

(2) (Source: David R. Hamilton, PHD, Effect of compassion meditation on neuroendocrine, innate immune and behavioral responses to psychosocial stress 2008)

(3) (Source: David R. Hamilton, PHD & Oxytocin Attenuates NADPH-Dependent Superoxide Activity and IL-6 Secretion in Macrophages and Vascular Cells 2008 & Effect of compassion meditation on neuroendocrine, innate immune and behavioral responses to psychosocial stress 2008)

(4) (Source: David R. Hamilton, PHD) (Davis & Oathout, 1987)(McCullough, 1997, 2001).

(5) (Source: David R. Hamilton, PHD)

(6)  (Source: Compassion Across Cubicles 2006)

(7) (Loving-Kindness Meditation Increases Social Connectedness 2008)

all · info

Les contes de fées c’est comme ça

De maintenant cinq heures du soir jusqu’à l’heure où je m’endormirai je suis seul, parce que j’ai dit à tous mes amis que j’étais fatigué et que je ne voulais voir personne. La petite fille pour laquelle j’ai si soigneusement réservé ce temps libre n’a même pas pris la peine de téléphoner qu’elle ne venait pas.

Je découvre avec mélancolie que mon égoïsme n’est pas si grand puisque j’ai donné à autrui le pouvoir de me faire de la peine. Petite fille il est tendre de donner ce pouvoir. Il est mélancolique d’en voir user.

 

38cf5de2d2298d3e34fd71545f9781abLes contes de fées c’est comme ça. Un matin on se réveille. On dit : “ce n’était qu’un conte de fées…” On sourit de soi. Mais au fond on ne sourit guère. On sait bien que les contes de fées c’est la seule vérité de la vie.

L’attente. Les pas légers. Puis les heures qui coulent fraîches comme un ruisseau entre les herbes sur des cailloux blancs. Les sourires, les mots sans importance qui ont tellement d’importance. On écoute la musique du coeur : c’est joli joli pour qui sait entendre… Bien sûr on veut beaucoup de choses. On veut cueillir tous les fruits et toutes les fleurs. On veut respirer toutes les prairies. On joue. Est-ce jouer ? On ne sait jamais où le jeu commence ni où il finit, mais on sait bien que l’on est tendre. Et l’on est heureux.

Je n’aime pas le climat intérieur qui a remplacé mon printemps : un mélange de déception, de sécheresse et de rancune. Je baigne dans ce temps vide où je n’ai plus rien à rêver. Le plus triste c’est, d’un chagrin, que l’on se demande “est-ce bien la peine…” Est-ce bien la peine d’avoir ce chagrin pour qui ne songe même pas à prévenir ? Sûrement non. Alors on n’a même plus de chagrin et c’est plus triste encore.

Il n’y a pas de Petit Prince aujourd’hui, ni jamais. Le Petit Prince est mort. Ou bien il est devenu tout à fait sceptique. Un Petit Prince sceptique ce n’est plus un Petit Prince. Je vous en veux de l’avoir abîmé.

Il n’y aura plus de lettre non plus, ni de téléphone, ni de signe. Je n’ai pas été très prudent et je ne pensais pas que peu à peu je risquais là un peu de peine. Mais voilà que je me suis blessé au rosier en cueillant une rose.

Le rosier dira : quelle importance avais-je pour vous ? Moi je suce mon doigt qui saigne comme ça, un peu, et je réponds : aucune, rosier, aucune. Rien n’a d’importance dans la vie. (Même pas la vie.) Adieu, rosier.

A.

( Source: Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Lettres à l’inconnue, Ed. Gallimard, 2008 )
work

a think and a thank

It is difficult to express your feelings everyday, it is difficult to say what you feel when you are doing what you have to do, the useful things, the little things, the daily things,  while you eat, clean, care and while you are in the normal mode…It is difficult to say how grateful you are for all what you have, you often think about this, how lucky you are, how amazing this life is, and how much you feel full, full of light, full of sparkle, full of excitement. It is difficult but then, something happens, something little, something hard, something worrisome, something different that changes the rhythm of your life and you stop and you think of all the love you have for your love, for your child, for yourself. it is in that tiny moment that you feel free that you feel full that you feel everything, that you think about all the things that you have. sometimes you need those moments to stop and think and thank.

ab16acff4d84f20bdf344c0aa78c84f8

past

I grew up fast…

I grew up fast!

From very early, I was not even 10, I remember waking up in the morning to make my “café au lait” and get dressed and get ready to go to school. I was helping my sister with her school work as well and be careful so that she would be on time to go on the bus with me that she would not forget her jacket in school…. I was probably helping at home as well, quite a lot and probably tidying here and there and taking care of the different little things to be taken care of. The little cinderella syndrome?

If anybody starts to contradict these facts, I would like to say to defend myself that each side is right, each memory is right, each memory is different, each memory has the right to have its own truth! The only problem is how much do you really remember?Are all those just facts? Or are there just a very strange vision of a little girl who felt too soon, too much, the burden on her fragile shoulders?

My mother says she has sacrificed her life, that she has done e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g possible and that she suffered quite much with my father “oh, if only you would know what I have been through…” almost adding each time at the end of this sentence ” for you”.

In a way, in her way, she HAD to make it up for herself and get a better life, enjoy better days in the sun …She was 28 when she left my father and she wanted to break free, to enjoy life, love, and good times. Normal n´est ce pas?

Life has it that it was not long before she found the one to enjoy life with. She got lucky very fast. A gorgeous steward on board of the OA (Olympic airways) flight that took us from paris to athens for ever (almost!) and who was smiling like a moron, sinking into her eyes each time he would serve row 16, made her happy again and got together on a ride for a very adventurous and a crazy life, going out, partying -recovering – being happy at last!

And the more she was happy the more I was unhappy. I very soon understood also what it was to pretend, to spie, to lie, to cry in the dark, to feel alone, to feel unsafe…

I am pretty sure now, the last things I heard from my father was the terrible words : “now you have to take care of your sister – you are a big girl now.”….heavy words for just a child.

so I had to grow up. too soon. too fast.